Ain't It Cool News review #2 of CTHD

Oh My God.

My hands are shaking from excitement. I don't know if you've been flooded with reviews yet, but if not, it's going to be my absolute priviledge to be amongst the first to spread the word on what will probably be the most talked about movie of the year. This may seem odd given that it's still only May, but it's been three hours since I saw one of the most extraordinary movies of my life and I still am having difficulty composing coherent thoughts.

Let me just say, that if I could speak to Spielberg, Lucas, the Wachowskis and Zemeckis, my words would be - "Give up now. There is nothing that your new movies can achieve that hasn't been achieved by Ang Lee".

Yes, tonight I saw CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON. That little martial arts action romance that people have suspected might be pretty good.

Well people, start preparing yourselves to see a movie that is going to break all sorts of filmmaking and marketing "theories" about the audience for a non-English language movie. Harvey, you can kiss that LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL record goodbye in about a year or so. Kiss my hairy, Chinese-action loving butt. I see no reason why this film won't be nominated for at least 6 Oscars, let alone make over $100 million at the U.S Boxoffice. This is, simply, a movie that ANY person, regardless of age, race or sex, will walk out of the cinema and call twenty people and say "Stop what you're doing. You gotta go see this movie."

It's a movie that no one has seen before. The best kind of movie - one that actually SUPRISES you, and takes your breath away, and after it's over you think - "Did I really see that? Was that real? REWIND, REWIND!! SHOW ME AGAIN!!!"

Harry I am going to go absolutely NUTS about going home from Cannes in a couple of days and not having anyone to reminisce with about this movie. If someone told me where the print was being stored I would probably break in and steal it to take home with me. If you have any pull with Sony, then you need to beg, borrow and steal to get a look. Just make sure you see it on a BIG screen, in digital.

I am not going to spoil the plot for anyone. My one line synopsis will be:

"Michelle Yeoh and Chow Yun Fat are warriors who unite to help shape the destiny of a troubled young woman"

You don't really want to know more. If you do, (and I beg you, don't) go to the Variety website and read Todd McCarthy's review.

What I want to talk about is how FUCKING AMAZING THIS MOVIE IS!! I saw it in the main venue at Cannes. It had one screening, at 6pm, to a not-very-full cinema.Everyone else it seems was at the Victoria's Secret parade AMFAR benefit loser Kenneth Branagh movie thing watching plastic titty jiggle. To those people who forfeited seeing CROUCHING TIGER for plastic titty, well, as hard as it may be for you to believe, you lost out bigtime.

I am convinced that tommorrow the trades will be full of this new movie. About how the audience erupted into wild applause at least 6 times during the screening. About how there was a wild, riotous standing ovation from the first end credit to the very last, and then for another 5 minutes. When the lights went up, you could see strangers looking at each other, dumbstruck in the knowledge that they were the first in the world to see a film that will ignite the globe.

I also think that Lars Von Trier, Liv Ullman, Neil La Bute or whoever wins the Palme D'or will have a very stupid Columbia executive to thank for the LUNATIC decision to screen CROUCHING TIGER out of competition. There are few sure things in this world, but let me tell you that if this film was in competition, it would have won. No doubt. No doubt at all.

Columbia, what were you THINKING????? D'OH D'OH D'OH D'OH D'OH!!!!!

Harry this is a film that will put a smile on the face of anyone who loves going to the movies. Kids will love it. Action fans will ADORE it. I've never seen stunts and action in this way. Seriously, for anyone who thought the fighting in THE MATRIX was ace, this film makes THE MATRIX look like a bad student film. I AM NOT EXAGGERATING!!

But the movie also has a brilliant story, characters you care about, the FUCKING FANTASTIC Michelle Yeoh and Chow Yun Fat who with the movement of an eyelid convey more than stupid old Harrison Ford does in an entire movie. I never wanted this movie to end, especially because I felt that I had seen the birth of a new international star, and that's Zhang Ziyi. There's no point waffling on about her because few people will know who she is. YET. Lordy, in a year the whole world will know who she is. Editors of VANITY FAIR, PREMERE, ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY, VOGUE, book your covers with the cast of this film NOW while you can.

I'm going to pick my jaw back off the floor and go searching for a VERY stiff drink because it's going to be three weeks before I recover from this movie. Tonight a movie changed my life. Ang Lee, I thank you.

Signing off


p.s. I want my own GREEN DESTINY sword. NOW.